The rise of the toxic female? Is it a pandemic?
I’ve seen a few podcasts and articles on toxic femininity lately, which has led me to explore the subject and ask, is this a new pandemic that serves as a twisted parallel to toxic males?
Let’s look at the definition first. Toxic femininity describes negative stereotypes of women which are supported by their behaviour or actions. It can be displayed in a range of behaviours from submissive behaviour such as not wanting to create a conflict with a partner or on the flip side, showing aggression and hostility towards men. It can appear as manipulation, passive aggression, body or slut shaming other women and ‘pick me’ girls who will side with a male to vie for his attention while disparaging other women’s views in the process. While some of these behaviours might be at times more subtle and not so easy to discern, the more aggressive forms of toxic femininity are prevalent on social media platforms such as Youtube and Tiktok.
Brett Cooper created some brilliant examples of this on her Youtube channel, and before you say, “Yeah but Cooper also says…” I’ll stop you right there. It’s possible to agree with some things people say without agreeing or liking every point they make on the internet. Let the bits you like resonate with you and simply disagree with the rest. The Youtuber uses Julia Fox as an extreme example and if you don’t know who that is, Fox is a man-hating misandrist who loathes men. Some of the comments she’s made publicly include: Men shouldn’t be allowed to have opinions, they shouldn’t even be allowed to have penises. She also suggested that women should be able to kill men as men do that to women all the time. Yes, there are men that attempt to dehumanise women and harm them but the answer to this is not to label all men as toxic and suggest they should be subjected to the same punishments that women have been subjected to by the criminally insane or psychopathic of the male variety. At times, Fox’s psychopathic claims sound like something you might hear from a padded room in an asylum as the perpetrator screams and bashes her head against the walls but is this her real opinion or a perverse and disturbing vie for attention? I’ll let you unravel that one!
The core values of feminism were originally about advocating for equal rights and opportunities for women but has now transgressed and forked off into various disturbing directions. Radical feminists can be much of the mindset that women must not only be equal to men, but they must destroy men in the process. This is when feminism becomes a dark and toxic subject matter.
One of the behaviours Brett points out is women on Tiktok who shame the wives of men they once dated and claim they are better than the wife, so therefore the guy must still be fantasising about them. I immediately thought of the many examples of this within the femdom community. There are a number of findommes who will post videos and status updates claiming that the sub’s wife is ugly/fat/boring and that the sub will always be addicted to her, as she is skinnier/prettier/more interesting. I understand that there is an element of kink at play here but to me, it’s not true femdom. Femdom is about empowering women, and other women, not just yourself. While I’m not aiming to kink shame, it’s necessary to point out that invalidating another female for your own needs, does not make you desirable to the majority of sane people. It’s spinning into the realms of insecurity and manipulation. There are many men that choose to see a domme for many reasons but that doesn’t mean they should resent or disrespect their wife or allow their dominant to do this. Whilst women are in competition with one another in such a toxic fashion, we can never be truly empowered. Blaming men for being pathetic and unable to control themselves is an attempt at justification for deeply unhealthy behaviour. These women could choose to nurture the men in their lives and encourage positive behaviour by setting an example and respecting themselves, and other women. (I don’t mean instances in abusive relationships, I’m referring to the average relationship).
As for the Tiktok women who spout these particular narratives, many of them don’t seem to do this as part of a kink (not that it justifies it but one could claim ‘it’s a harmless kink,’ though debatable.) So, what is the agenda? Of course, it could be for views, a business plan that sadly brainwashes the minds of influential teenagers but more worryingly, it appears to be based on self-affirming behaviour that is born from insecurity, glorifies toxic behaviour and vilifies men as the root of all evil.
I’ll often note examples of toxic men that claim women ‘who dress like sluts are low value’ (whatever the definition of a slutty outfit is) or that women should obey everything her partner says and stay in the kitchen. So, it’s only fair that I should point out examples of women displaying the reverse and who condemn all men.
Throughout this blog, I have used the term toxic female but it’s not gender specific and any gender can display traits that are damaging, not only to the opposite sex but also to themselves.
Let me ask you all a question. If you could live on a planet with just your own sex, (and procreation could occur in a test tube or chamber) would you truly be happier? Would life be easier, and would you have fewer problems? I think most would answer no to this but feel free to disagree with me and tell me why. I don’t write in some weird hope that everyone will agree with me. I love to see other people’s opinions and how they view the world. To reach a balance there must be equally opposing views. You might agree with some of my points but not others. We all have different experiences that have conditioned us to a point and created our blueprints for life.
To summarise, in society, we need each other. The sexes complement each other and help society to function. Most of us have likely displayed some toxic behaviours at some point in our lives but learning to love our roles in this world, to self-validate in a healthy way and embrace our differences, helps us to love ourselves and others. When we blame one sex or gender for all that is wrong in the world, we are not only hurting ourselves but future generations which this negative energy will pass to with its cruel ancestral curse.
Love and free yourself from negative conditioning and live a fulfilling life. That doesn’t mean that we can’t speak out against injustice or that we can’t call out negative behaviours, it simply means that popping one group into a one-size-fits-all box doesn’t solve critical issues.
Humans are complex creatures and good people can say or do bad things and bad people can often say or do good things. It’s not specific to gender or sex.
Those are my thoughts on the topic but I’d love to hear your viewpoints. What do you think is toxic femininity and how has it affected you? Do you believe that society is getting better or worse in terms of sexism and division and how do we learn to become more aligned with one another?
Thanks for reading.