First he walked out on his wife and kids.
Then he began to bleat about how he was the victim in all this. That he was drove to drastic measures by the cruel existence he was forced to live by always being in his vacuous wives’ shadow. And just to really make sure the loyal fans would swear their allegiance to him, he crowed about how despicable his wife was for moving on so quickly to another lover when he was still in mourning. He could not even begin to consider being with another woman, for his heart was cleft in twain!
Poor Peter, poor shining prince – arms full of sobbing children, his heart on his sleeve for all to pity….to bleed for, to love!
There are armies of fawning housewives and besotted single mothers convinced that now Prince Peter is on the market once more, they might just win their prince who will resuce them from poverty and single parent-dom! Or at least that’s what Team Pete and the rest of the PR team would have you think.
Because as I understand it, there are many that cannot actually see that this guy is as transparent as a harlots petticoat on her wedding night. There are many that do not realise the hours of preparation and calculated planning that goes into everyone of Pete’s tear jerking interviews. His management must be making a mint!
Then enter stage left – a weeping damsel (Maddy Ford) clutches her bosom and declares her heart is broken! She has been wooed by the prince, bedded, then thrust from the royal bed and discarded like a soggy tissue!
‘But Maddy how can this be?’ Cry the public.
‘Our Prince has assured us on more than one occasion (less than a thousand – possibly) that he was so desperate with grief he could not even consider…. oh!’
And as the prince’s shining halo began to slip from his crown the maidens wept and beat there chests declaring that he could not be their true god because his halo was no longer shining. And the Prince smiled his charming smile which dazzled like pearls, and he told the crowds they must believe he was their true god because the false god known as Team Katie was evil and had sinned!
He told the crowds in form of a modern and extremely dull column that he was being made a victim once more. That this evil temptress Maddy Ford had come to test him, and whilst he had done his best to be honest she had betrayed him like a Judas spreading her tales far and wide!
And the Princes’ vizier’s Team Pete stepped up to the pillar and rubbed and polished, tweaked and manipulated until once more the halo was shining and intact, and glowed like the brightest star in the sky.
Weary now, and even more heartbroken and forlorn at these doubters Prince Pete declared “I do know how to pick them!â€
And once more the housewives and the single mothers rejoiced at the return of their prince, and Team Pete collected their sacks of gold and passed go and a good time was had by all! At least by all of those who reaped great treasures and sold many false icons in the consfusion!
But where will this tale end? Will there will a reunion of lovers? Tales of vengeance and duals? A battle to the death between two sparring lovers?
Well as much as I hate the quash the hopes of thousands; I’m placing my bets upon a few more utterly bland and pointless singles being released (if we are really unlucky – an entire album worth!) yet more mind numbing reality shows over whether Peter or Katie has the biggest bum and whether a 3 year old should be allowed to wear nail varnish or not, a few more kiss and tells from an eclectic melody of jilted lovers, heartbroken damsels and fame hungry whores, and quite possibly a few more autobiographies detailing how hard it is to be a fabulously rich and utterly beautiful celebrity in this cruel judging world!
Fabbo – can’t wait!
