World Cup Widow’s Survival Guide

This showcase is a collaboration between myself and my newly appointed publicist Lewis Deakin.

For interviews, articles and more besides, contact myself k@kazb.co.uk and Lewis on lewisdeakin.ld@googlemail.com We cover internet, print media, radio and live and recorded shows.

This article was delayed due to a bereavement, but now the wheels are back in motion.

WOMEN of the world rejoice. The World Cup is almost over. The great football carnival ended in Brazil on July 13th.

Men will now revert back to being civilised. Instead of noisy beer drinking yobs, who shout profanity at the TV. Haha yeah right eh girls?

No more will us ladies have to moan about EastEnders or Coronation Street being cancelled. Nor will we ask the question who has stolen our men? At least not until the FIFA 15 game comes out at the end of September.

The World Cup does offer men an escape from their every day lifes. If your guy isn’t good at conversation then football is a good way for him to bond with his mates, whilst getting pissed in the process. But I can understand the need for a little bit of male bonding.

Whichever teams do make it to this years final don’t under any circumstances let him invite 30 drunken lads into your home to watch the game.

But do not despair. As on World Cup final day you can go to a land far far away… Go for a bike ride or go swimming. Or even down a few sneaky cocktails with the girls. Make the most of your little bit of ‘me time.’

A little bit of flirting and healthy jealous can also remind your partners’ how lucky they are to be with you. But be warned I said flirting – not sticking your tongue down another man’s throat.

Or you can join in with the lads and watch the match. I’ve never understood why some guys prefer to enjoy the football without their wives or girlfriends.

Once the tournament is over you can even make your guy feel a teensy bit guilty for abandoning you. Show him whose boss by taking him shopping and forcing him to carry all of your bags. Even make him buy you those shoes you’ve always been wanting to get. Go on I know you want to.

If you want to be the loving and devoted partner. I would stock the fridge full of beer and wine. Even cook them their favourite meal when they return from Brazil.

Depending on whether or not he had brought me a little present back home from the World Cup. I might even greet him at the front door in my birthday suit. Then when he gets inside the house – I’d unbutton his shirt with my mouth.

The bedroom is your domain so after the World Cup tackle him to the floor and show him what a dirty player you really are.

Tell him he is your favourite football fan and ask him what his about to do with an open goal.

The golden rule ladies is to always keep your eye on his balls. A blow job is unlikely to be refused either!

My bedroom battle suit would be a long silky dressing gown, long socks and underneath a tiny World Cup thong. Also some football shaped nipple tassels.

Or maybe something like this….

For those fans, who have spent thousands in Brazil I’d tell them to enjoy themselves. You are on holiday it is not just about the football. There are new experiences for the taking so live your life to the full. I hear the carnivals over there are great.

But remember guys and girls to always practise safe sex. Your health is all you have without it you have nothing. So always carry condoms. My favourite condoms are called Skynz. They have a smooth texture and you can get them in large, which is a bonus.

Boys it takes 20 seconds to rubber up and prevent a life time of regret. You really don’t want a sore nob, pus and a load of antibiotic jabs now do you?

Your worst case scenario is damaging your organs and your heart. You all should know that unsafe sex won’t end well. Please just this once listen to the adult actress.

Check out my my condom reviews on Youtube and subscribe to see them all :


Apparently the police have been warning men during the World Cup not to take their anger out on their women. But it is important to remember that domestic violence affects both men and women.

Let’s all show domestic violence the red card once and for all. No-one needs to suffer at all. But victims of domestic abuse should know there are trained people out there who want to help.

Let’s be clear anyone who hits their loved one is psychologically flawed. They’re not doing it because they love you.

Always keep yourself safe. The moment the relationship gets violent kick their sorry arses to the curb. Change your phone number and don’t tell them where you’ve gone.

Trust me. I’ve been in abusive relationships. They do not change. By staying with them you are just reinforcing their belief that it is ok to a treat a fellow human being that way.

If you are a victim of domestic violence please visit these websites: http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk and here is one for the guys: http://www.mankind.org.uk/.

Kaz B

Writer, podcaster, creator

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