Why I’m getting my Craig David on and walking away.
Social media can be a wonderful place at times. I love the banter within the circle of some of my regular followers. The funny quips, the shared love of many topics and the fact you can share links, stories and learn a great deal from each other. It’s almost a high sometimes isn’t it, when you get on a roll of humour and you just make each other laugh harder and harder! Laughter is medicine and I relish the moments, even more than I would relish a slice of buttery toast right now, while I’m on keto.
Lately, I’ve felt that wave has peaked and crashed into the rocks. Or, maybe not crashed so much as beaten the rocks savagely, over and over in all it’s watery tyranny. There’s been a rise in negativity and I’m certainly not the only one to have noticed this. There has been a number of creators, Mistresses (and subs now I come to think of it) choosing to take breaks or opt out of regular posting from sites like Twitter/X because they feel they are pouring their hearts and souls into it and getting nothing in return. It’s not difficult for followers to hit like/RT or share an upbeat comment but for some reason at this moment in time, there are many followers who are being more of a hindrance than a help. Rather than showing support, they will blow up your inboxes with endless questions, demands and tomfoolery. It’s always the ones that do the least that demand the most and when I say they do the least, I mean jack shit!
I’ve noticed a pattern particularly in the BDSM community where creators will pour their energy into creating a space for kinksters and giving away content only to feel they are taken for granted by the very same people who call themselves fans, subs or allies. Whether it’s complacency or familiarity, I’m not certain but on a bad day it can feel like pouring your energy into a bottomless bucket. In fact, not only is the bucket bottomless, when you lean over to pour some more energy in it spits back at you with a snarky comment, launches into an irrelevant, judgy monologue or makes a catty comment while actually knowing nothing about your character, values or life.
On the surface, it may look as if a creator has merely posted 5 tweets. For some of those she will have had to dress, organise lighting, create the right atmosphere and take a photo. That’s part of her job right? No one should be expecting medals for doing their jobs, obviously. That’s just the surface of the iceberg though. What goes unseen in the sheer number of messages she answers. Some of them from deserving fans or subs that are equally supportive but many of them from absolute eejits that seemingly make it their primary goal in life to be as irritating as an army of drunken mosquitos as big as tennis balls, after a few hours of necking shots of tequila.
You don’t see when the dommes help people behind the scenes, offer guidance, reassurance, or help someone who is struggling mentally. These are not part of our job descriptions but we often do this because everyone is human at the end of the day and we care, probably a tad too much at times. You might be juggling videochats with doing the washing, polishing your 8 inch heels or various other duties of a domestic Goddess and that one spotty little oik will send a row of question marks because you took more than 5 seconds to answer. We tend to laugh these things off…most of the time. Then it builds, you are sent more gibberish, more unpleasantries. You are doing your best to make a living and be a decent person and someone throws in a disparaging comment or twenty. It’s always the straw on the camels back, everyone has their breaking point where they say, bollocks. My time is precious. I will no longer engage with twerps, eejits or nincompoops.
I spent the weekend writing for my book which always does a wonderful job of clearing my mind, helping me put things into perspective and seeing things as they are.
From my perspective, in my spare time, I write blogs about the industry (among other topics) I podcast with the fantastic Podofeleus to help create safe spaces where people can talk freely and educate themselves about different topics, then I take the time to be supportive to subs who are still learning or are looking for advice. This is not me blowing my own trumpet. This is me saying:
“Don’t have the audacity to tell me or any other creator or Mistress that we’re not doing enough, not getting back to you quick enough or that we are somehow sullied in your eyes because as a woman, we might have an opinion about something that doesn’t fall inline with how you think we should think.”
We are not collectively Ariel the mermaid and the perpetrators are not Ursula the wicked sea witch, so these cads cannot take away our voices.
However, this is where the buck stops with me and it’s time to take accountability. Sometimes in life we let things slide but instead of doing that this time, I’m cementing my boundaries and going to limit my interaction on social media until it becomes a nicer playground again. I’ll still be podcasting, writing, posting on my fanpages, and chatting privately with my connections where there is a two way flow of positive energy moving back and forth. I’ll even still add photos now and again. What I won’t be doing is reading through drivel, bothering debating anything as some people get their knickers in too much of a twist and make it personal. I won’t be commenting on anything that’s not worthy of my time.
Will that mess with my algorithm? Maybe it will and maybe it won’t but I’m sure my energy focussed elsewhere will be more productive.
I have lots of followers who are an absolute pleasure and always make me smile. It’s always a joy to speak to them and for them, my dm’s will always be open. We can share some jokes or ideas which are uplifting and stimulating for both parties, but the scoundrels and salty little oiks can sod off to other pastures.
So, to the Mistresses who have been experiencing these issues, let’s make a stand, support one another and not let these urchins infiltrate our energy fields with their vapid takes online.
For now, I’m stepping away from the swirling black hole of doom to concentrate on things that nourish my soul and feeds my productivity. So in other words, I’m getting my Craig David on and walking away.
Hasta la pasta baaaaybeee!
Love and tongue lashes