This blog was inspired by observing some rather wacky behaviour on an adult industry website, and it occurred to me that it is easy to to identify a narcissist if you know the red flags and what to look out for. This will save you a lot of headache in the long run as well as potential heart ache.
On the forum I replied a couple of times to the Narc whilst suspecting the outcome and correctly predicted the behaviour that would follow. Good research for my article!
You might encounter a narcissist in your every day life or even online. Look out for the following signs.
Bragging, boasting and attack – “I have achieved far more than you, I have done this and that, what are you doing?”
They see themselves as superior to those around them and want to remind you at every possible opportunity. They just love to blow their own trumpet. The empty hole inside them will never be filled, but boasting and belittling others temporarily boosts their fragile sense of self.
A narcissist can fly off he handle over a ‘perceived’ slight or criticism. You might have said ‘Some types of people will only do what pleases them.’ Because in Narcissists world absolutely everything is about them and they will have heard “You only please yourself.” They will find criticism when there is none and that’s when their rage will seem to appear as if from no where.
They will try to twist your words.
You say “I feel that some people in the world prefer not to be faced with truth.”
They say “You are attacking my friends and family how dare you! You are a bad person!”
Yes, nothing about it is logical. They aim to confuse as much as possible. They will attack and then try to deflect their bad behaviour by turning it back onto you. They will play the victim and act outraged if you call them on their shit.
By playing the victim they expect to get the attention that they crave whilst they attempting to maintain control over the situation.
They will project their behaviour onto you.
Have they let you down constantly, lied to you, been abusive or damaged something? They will accuse you of these exact same things.
They claim to know absolutely everything
They claim to be a fountain of knowledge on all subjects too. If put to the test you’ll find holes in their stories. Once you ‘catch them out’ in their lies they will become enraged and will project, project, project!
They use ‘gaslighting’ techniques
You said to your Narc friend that it would be best not to do business with Miss X. They do not heed your advice and when it goes wrong they will claim you told them to do it. They will try to make you think you are crazy, lie and twist the truth into a warped caricature of itself. They try to change the course of history with their words and are unable to accept responsibility for the things that go wrong in their lives. Someone else is always to blame. Never them.
They need constant attention
If they are not in the limelight and you are the focus, you have made yourself a mortal enemy. They need their ego’s stroked constantly and will always look for a source to supply this. If you don’t give them the attention they crave, you have wronged them and are a terrible person.
They will argue in circles.
You’ll say “That’s not what I meant. I meant XYZ.”
They will ignore this and say “No you said BZY, you must be an evil person!”
You can’t reason with them. There is no logic to anything they say.
They have a lack of empathy.
They see others as objects to be used. They only think about how they can benefit from them either financially or by getting one over on them and making themselves look good.
They do not not respect boundaries
They see others as pawns to be used rather than individuals and believe others exist to do their bidding, Therefore they are unable to understand or respect healthy boundaries.
Love Bombing – in friendships and relationships
They will try to bond with you a little too quickly. They will say you are the best, most amazing person they have ever known. They will flatter you in a grandiose and over the top manner that feels unnatural.
Those who do understand the Narcissistic Personality Disorder dynamic may believe that they have met their soulmate/best friend and will fail to see through this erratic behaviour.
Devalue and Discard
Love bombers will devalue and discard their prey once it is of no use to them or they find a better source. Of course don’t forget, these people are unable to account for their own actions so even if they cheated on you, stole from you or even hit you – it will be your fault. They will justify that you made them do it even if you have been an innocent party. These predators have no conscious. In their world only other people can do wrong, not them
Avoid people who do these things….
In real life avoid anyone who love bombs you, is too clingy straight away or is controlling and seems to lack empathy and boundaries. You can’t change a Narc so run whilst you can. They will soon find someone else to attach themselves to and use.
Online – avoid anyone who appears to exhibit the ‘Narcissistic Perceived Slight’, who argues in a circular fashion, denies logic and enters into a Narcissistic rage over nothing.
Watch out for strangers who try to hero worship you then become angry when you didn’t reply to their e-mail within 3 minutes.
Arguing with a narc is like trying to pet a shark – it’s just not worth it! Do not enter into any form of discussion, ignore, avoid and if necessary BLOCK!