In this blog I am going to show you how to see the positives in a negative and tell you why you need to believe in yourself and your passions and drives. I hope you enjoying reading it
When I was younger I never really got much encouragement in life. I was always told why I could not do things, and perhaps this may be the same for you.
My elders were of a different generation and their perspective of the world was very different to mine. They felt they you shouldn’t take risks or accept work experience that was unpaid, because you were supposed to settle down and get a real job. Of course I wouldn’t listen most of the time but when you are told “It probably won’t lead to anything” time and time again it can change your perception. I’m going to tell you why it is imperative that you don’t let this happen.
When your mind set changes and you stop believing as hard, you close yourself off to opportunity. You may go to a job or take on a project, but you may have all these niggling doubts at the back of your mind and you’ll feel inhibited and lack the confidence to push yourself forward. If someone tells you that you can’t do something, what they are really thinking is that they could never do it! You simply cannot let their restrictive thinking become your restrictive thinking.
In my 20’s I had jealous boyfriends that felt threatened by being with an independent women. I can see now that they were terrified that if I made something of myself I would leave them. So they attempted to knock my confidence, fill me with doubts. Sometimes they would say things like:
“It’s not much money, it’s a of a waste of time” or “There’s so much competition out there, I just don’t to see you spending all your time on something that probably won’t happen”. Of course what they actually meant was “I don’t want you spending time on something that isn’t all about me. Give me more attention.”
If you have a passion for the arts or something considered a bit more unconventional, you will most likely encounter these kind of attitudes in your life at some point too. First you have to accept that you may never become a millionaire from being an artist, a writer, and actor or a designer for example. You have to do it because you love to do it, because it fills you with passion. I seriously hope you are reading this and arguing back “I will be a millionaire, what do you know!” That’s the spirit – keep that up! That’s the attitude you need to get ahead. If you aren’t thinking this…please read on.
Why Passion Is So Important To Success:
Passion is the thing that gets you up in the morning, passion gives you purpose and makes you whole. Passion allows you to be creative.
That guy or girl you think you love that stops you from following your passions – are you really going to love someone in twenty years who was negative and held you back and stopped you from achieving your dreams? Unlikely! Always follow your dreams first. Anyone who really loves you will support your choices, no matter how they feel about them.
You might say – “Kaz, it’s hard to believe in yourself when no one else does!”
That just makes it even more important to believe in yourself if no one else will. Eventually someone else will – trust me. You just have to network, get out there, share your passions, be creative and do your thing. If you keep projecting this positive aura and can-do attitude, people will eventually flock to you and want to be around your positivity. Behaviour is contagious and they will want to feel how you feel. Throughout history some of the greatest minds have faced rejection or been told that can never achieve anything and they laughed in the face of adversity.
Let me throw some examples at you:
Walt Disney was sacked from his job and told he ““Lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” and we can see how that panned out with Disney being one of the biggest names in children’s films!
Award winning author JK Rowling (Harry Potter) was rejected time and time again by publishers – then went on to have her books adapted into film which became box selling hits at the cinema! She become one of Forbes listed billionaires and only dropped off the list when she generously donated large chunks her income to worthy charities. She is still very wealthy and has just released Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them.
Stephen Fry’s Headmaster claimed the comedic icon was full of faults and expelled him. As a young lad he was in prison by the age of 17. That didn’t prevent him from going on to become a household name, star in TV series Black Adder and host tv panel shows amongst his many other achievements.
Comedy legend Eric Morecambe’s school report read “THIS boy will never get anywhere in life,” I bet they later choked on their words when he went on to become one of Britain’s best loved comedians of the 1960’s and 70’s with his classic show ‘Morecambe and Wise’.
I could sit here giving you examples all day long as there are absolute thousands upon thousands of successful people who have been rejected by life and gone on to become incredible – but I think you get the picture!
These successful people all have something in common. They were rejected, berated, told they would never amount to anything, but they refused to accept this. They followed their passions, worked hard and didn’t take no for an answer.
Life is full of struggles and chaos but you need to turn adversity to your advantage. Yes things will go wrong and not go as planned, but if you take a lesson from each thing that went wrong and learn from it, each time you do this you are overcoming adversity. This can only serve to make you stronger, wiser and a more capable person…unless you allow it to fester and get to you. Well, I’m telling you not to let it fester. Do not give yourself permission to wallow in self pity and let it take a hold of you. You need to get out and make this life work for you as no one else will do it for you.
Sometimes you might wobble a little too or even swing between feeling confident and being anxious. This is normal and all part of the growing process. Those times when you fill weak are actually useful, as if you always feel 100% confident you don’t grow. Those times when you are a bit more unsure about yourself you will be pushed to look for ways to better yourself and become a better version of you. They are two sides of the same coin and eventually you will find balance if you persevere, but rarely before the hardships. This is the way of life and the way of learning.
You’ll come across people in life that will want to criticise you and bring you down to their level. Don’t allow yourself to sink to their level. When a group of my old so called friends found out I was doing a mainstream film in 2010 they started writing hostile comments about me on a message board. They read like this:
“Haha yeah right. She should stick to porno’s, she’ll never get anywhere!”
“She’s too short! Does she really think she act?”
“She won’t get anymore work after this one! She must have just got lucky”
I’ve left out all the sexist and graphic comments but their main diatribe was that they thought I would fail. They also scoured my biography and found a typo which they made quite a big deal out of which was quite funny really. They claimed I would fail and I was no good, but they were dedicating a lot of time to reading my blogs and quoting me. I suppose I gave them something to talk about. It made their lives more exciting.
What they couldn’t see was that luck had nothing to do with it. I’d spent years working hard, doing favours and helping out on student film sets, going for castings and bettering myself. As far as they were concerned this opportunity ‘just landed in my lap by some miracle’ and they were insanely jealous of my supposed ‘luck’. In fact it was even suggested that I slept with someone to get their role which was certainly not the case. The truth be known, I began discussions with a male and a female who’s background was in history. They wanted to make a film about fetish and so they came to me. I went out of my way to help them cast talent, advise on budget and assist them in anyway I could and it was a great success. A year or so later the guy who had been involved told me he was making a mainstream movie and wanted to hire me because he knew I was reliable, had a good work ethic and was comfortable in front of the camera. I got the role because I’d shown a willingness to help others. The opportunity came about because I put energy into doing things to the best of my abilities.
When I saw these comments on the message board from my ex pals, I was a little surprised at first how they had so quickly turned on me, then the comments just made me even more determined to prove them wrong.
So far I have proved them wrong, and whilst I’m hardly a household name I went on to do many more projects and already 9 of those mainstream projects are listed on my IMDB page. Angelina Jolie I am not, but can you see how I used that comment “She won’t get anymore work after this one!” to my advantage and used it to fuel my sense of motivation. My point is – turn adversity on it’s head and see that your biggest critics are actually sometimes your biggest motivators in life.
Later on in the year I will be filming my screenplay with a bunch of really cool people that are just as passionate as me. People like this, decent, good, creative people may be hard to find but they are worth going through the struggle to find them.
If you are feeling a bit stuck, I want you to write a list today. Write down everything you are passionate about and do one of them – today! Write a list of people you want to work with and contact them. Even if you don’t get a yes, write a new list and keep doing this until you get a result.
In between work on your skills. You might want to take some advanced drawing lessons, a writing class, an acting workshop or learn some combat skills. It could even be a new language or learning how to make things. These new skills will most likely become useful in future as life always has a way of allowing those spare and bizarre pieces of the jigsaw puzzle to fit in somehow, even when you might think they won’t. Plus you’ll make some good friends and contacts along the way and you’ll be filled with passion for life when you are doing something really love to do.
Have an awesome week everyone. Take a big handful of Kaz love and sprinkle yourself with it. You are all amazing and the only thing that can ever truly hold you back is yourself, but only if you allow it to.
Love and Hugs