In your life you may come across people who are all “Me, me, ME!” They make demands on your time, they may try to manage your life or make you feel bad for not agreeing to their every demand. This could be a parent, family member, partner boss or a friend. Whilst it is generally a good thing to help those around you there is a fine line between helping others and neglecting your own needs and putting your own life on hold and it’s crucial to recognise the difference. When you constantly sacrifice your own needs and give away all your energy these three things will happen:
You will feel exhausted, burnt out and resentful.
These are negative emotions that will effect both you and your relationships for the worst. So whilst in the short term, saying yes a lot may help your friend and make you feel good inside, but when they start to expect it from you and lean on you too much then your own creativity will be stifled and your relationship will suffer,
Example 1: Years ago I had a job that I really enjoyed in Broadcasting. The only sore point was my boss. I was competent at my job but under valued by my boss. She would find every opportunity to send me on multiple trips to the stationary cupboard for minor things like a pencil, a sharpener, or to take a piece of paper the other side of the office which would interrupt my work. If it was one or two things it would have been fine. However once she realised that I was easy going and didn’t object, then of course she piled all of her unwanted jobs onto me. This meant that my own work became second to her whims. As an employee this made me feel unappreciated and unhappy in my job. Rather than speaking up I just got my head down, but it made my time at my place of work a lot unhappier than it could have been. Time that I will not get back.
Example 2: I had a boyfriend that was so lazy and unmotivated that he spent most of his time in bed. I practically had to wipe his backside for him! Ok so the last bit was an exaggeration but you get my drift. He didn’t work, didn’t do any cleaning and always seemed to mess things up. In the end I stopped asking him to do anything and decided he wasn’t competent. That resulted in me losing respect for him as a person and deciding that I didn’t need someone like this in my life.
Whilst I do not miss not either of these things now, the point is that had I have made a stand with these two individuals sooner then a) I would have been much happier at the time and b) these people may have learnt that it is not acceptable to treat others that way and rely on them for everything.
Moving on to another point. Some people need less time alone than others but everyone NEEDS a little personal time on their own to do things they want, whether they realise it or not. It is healthy and healing to the mind to have quiet time and space to yourself to think, reflect and plan your work and day to day. Do you have a friend that makes demands on your time? Do they try to use emotional blackmail and call you selfish if you refuse their every whim? Realise that it is not selfish to have time to yourself or to say ‘No’ now and again. It is your friend that is being selfish by not respecting your boundaries or personal space. Of course some people may often try to play the victim if they cannot get their own way. Remember it is not your responsibility to solve everybody’s problems or act as their emotional crutch. Not only will you end up feeling exhausted by it all but you are denying your friend or family member the opportunity to grow themselves. They may become reliant on you and this is not good for them either. If they become too reliant they may lose confidence in themselves and their own abilities. If you care about them it’s essential to realise that it’s better to nurture them and help them develop their own skills rather than simply taking over and doing it for them. In the long term you will both be much happier.
So keep this in mind and try to have some personal time to yourself every day whether it be reading a paper or book, writing in a journal or just going for a walk. You will feel healthier, more creative, more motivated and this will inject some great positivity into all of your relationships.
There are times when it’s good to be a “Yes man” but on the flip side you need to be that “No man” sometimes as well.
I hope you enjoyed reading my blog. Have a great day.
Kaz B
xxx
Follow Me On: Twitter
